He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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