How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
