Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
