She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize