i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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