I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
