mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
