I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
