there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize