I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
