I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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