You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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