I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
