I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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