You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
