i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize