Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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