When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
