Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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