I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
