Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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