did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
