Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
