i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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