She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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