I'm really into asian looking animals
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize