My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
