Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
