Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I love you. Go after that dick
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
