so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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