he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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