I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
