im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
