The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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