im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
