I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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