I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
