At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
