well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My vagina is officially offended.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
