One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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