My nipple is on Facebook.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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