You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
