North Korea, Best Korea!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
