Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
