i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
