yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
4 words: hood of his car
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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