Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
