WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
