You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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