dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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