So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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