During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize