shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
