I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
