I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
