i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Your cock deserves a montage
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
