he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize