So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
