White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
