When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
there is puke in my bra ... again
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