Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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