I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
That's when you crack a 10am beer
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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