I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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