I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
