I think i peed on brittanys purse
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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