His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
