Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
