we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
