So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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