Joe is yelling at the trees again.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
